Thursday, August 20, 2009
One Day WHEN You Are Married
Those of you who are single I have no doubt you can relate to this, even if you do not agree with me on the subject. This is one of my pet peeves. I can not count the times someone has assumed that I will get married and oftentimes that my entire life up until that point is just preparation for becoming someone's wife. Although I realize the intentions of the person are almost always good, as a friend once told me "people know you are a really cool person and they want you to be happy and have companionship." (quite possibly not an exact word for word quote, but you get the idea.) I've heard it said, and wholeheartedly agree, that the strongest human bond is husband and wife. And, the Bible teaches us that marriage is to be honored and it is a picture of Christ and the church, Ephesians 5. So, of course it makes sense that marriage would be a common topic of conversation and a large part of life, but it is not a given, 1st Corinthians 7. Living life as a single person has trials that come with it for certain, but living life as a married person comes with its own set of trials. I admit I find myself thinking of the idea of marriage often, but a growing concern I have is that too many, girls more than boys, spend so much time focusing on the idea of being someone's spouse, and what their future spouse will be like that they lose focus on God and on how they can serve Him right now, right here, just the way they are. Another concern I have, keep in mind these are concerns for myself not just others, is that between our own ponderings of these things and the people around us encouraging the idea that marriage is a certainty in our lives, what is going to happen if God has chosen a different life for us? What if His plan for our lives is to be single? What if we spend 20 or 30yrs of our life planning to someday start our life as someone's wife instead of seeking to glorify God in whatever path He chooses to lead us on? Life does not start with your wedding day! Life is here, it is now! There is nothing wrong with learning to cook and clean and take care of family, for guys either. In fact, I would encourage everyone to do so, and to use those skills to take care of everyone around you. Your parents, your siblings, and other people God brings along your path, but I would encourage you, whatever you learn, do so with the idea that you want to use this to glorify God and to serve those around you, not with the idea that you have to learn this to train for the day you will be someones wife. I realize I have a tendency to be more independant than most people, partly by choice and partly by lack of alternative options, but keep this in mind too, it is a good thing to learn to work hard and with your hands. Having a job, even a physical one, is not reserved for men. Proverbs 31:10-31 talks about the virtous woman or wife. I am sure any Christian single woman reading this is at least somewhat familiar with this passage. It is often taught as an example of how Christian women should aspire to be, and rightfully so, but what I don't understand is how often we manage to miss the fact that this godly wife on top of taking care of her family at home, she also worked with her hands in a field, sold goods at the marketplace, and girded herself with strength. Too often the idea of what a lady should be is depicted has only cooking and cleaning and watching the kids, being the 'weaker vessel' which is true, but is not equivalent with being weak and danty. I challenge any girl or woman reading this to follow the example of the virtous woman or excellent wife depending on your translation. Whether you are married or single, learn to take care of the people around you. Learn a trade of some sort. Gird yourself with strength. Whether God's plan is for you to marry or be single, it will benefit you to learn to take care of yourself and others. While we are human, and God in His mercy and graciousness often shows us that we need help from others and cannot do things all alone, we also need to learn to depend on God, not on our fathers, brothers, or Mr. Right. God has given us arms and legs and muscles that can work and can grow strong and an ability to think and reason and we need to use these things to glorify God every bit as much as any man. It is natural and even ok to think about and wonder if and to whom we will get married someday, but we must remember that we are living today. Tomorrow and all our plans are in His hands. Our paths are His choice. Our dreams are not a given. Apreciate the growth God has brought into your life, and use the things He has taught you to glorify and serve Him.